Climbing out of your comfort zone

Navigation: Main page

 Print this page Submit articleComment article

101 Success & Self-Development Tips
101 Success Tips 101 Practical Success & Self-Improvement Tips gleaned from the masters Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill. These Tips will help you Achieve your Dream Project or Create your Own Business or just get your Career/Life back on Track! Each Tip is presented on page with a useful Anecdote and a Curious Fact.

Author: Sarah Hedgecock

When you reach your more ‘mature’ years, will you be able to look back on your life and say “Well, I really achieved everything that I wanted from life. I lived my dream. I followed my heart”?

If the answer to this question is not a resounding ‘YES’, then what is it that is holding you back?

I think that most of us would accept that we can only achieve what we want from life if we are ‘ready willing and able’ to make changes in our lives.

However, all too often, change is something we sub-consciously resist. We ‘wallow’ around in our comfort zone. Most people wish for things to change, but instead of doing anything about it, they sit back hoping and waiting for luck to knock on the door. And even when achievement sits on our doorstep, we're often still too comfortable to make any adjustment.

But at the end of the day, the fact is that reality will eventually ‘kick in’ and show you that waiting for the lottery win, waiting for Mr or Miss ‘Perfect’ to appear, or waiting to be ‘tele-ported’ into another life and existence, just isn’t going to work.

The irony is that if you want anything to change in your life, the only place to begin is within yourself. You are the only one who can exert complete control over your life and destiny. Sure, you may legitimately have cause to point some fingers, but doing so will only delay your success and happiness. When you take ownership and responsibility for your life, only then can you succeed in getting what you want from it.

SO, WHAT CREATES RESISTANCE TO CHANGE?

Resistance to change can stem from a number of things.

At the top of the list comes fear of failure. Often, we do not try new things because we are scared that we will ‘fail’ and are frightened by the perceived consequences. If the journey to change looks too painful, then again, this may create internal resistance to change. The final destination may look great, but the anticipated pain of the transition is more immediate than the distant and hazy future. Sometimes we can respond more to this than to any inspiring vision.

Another ‘resistor’ involves a lack of knowledge about how to go about tackling the change. If we are left not knowing which way to ‘jump’, and wondering what to do, then this can prevent meaningful action.

SO HOW DO YOU OVERCOME YOUR OWN INTERNAL RESISTANCE TO CHANGE AND TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE?

Well, in my view, a little ‘self-coaching’ can take you a long way towards climbing out of your comfort zone and taking action to change. As a starting point, try considering the following.

RECOGNISE YOUR CORE VALUES

Values represent those things that are really important to us in life; representing the unconscious personal ‘rules’ by which we choose to live. Values determine what life means to us and hence what actions we decide to take. • If you think back to a time when things were going really well for yourself, what was it about that time that created your happiness then? • Similarly, if you think back to a time when things were not going so well, what was it about that time that was making you feel bad?

Thinking about these times can help us work-out what our core values are. Maybe you really value your freedom, or perhaps its reliability and support, love, equality, or responsibility. We are all unique and different and we all hold different core values.

When values are honoured on a regular basis, life is good and fulfilling. When values are dishonoured, life becomes more stressful.

Example

It was important for John to ‘provide for’ his family, but this meant that he spent long hours working away from home, to maximise income to support his partner and three young children.

John also valued ‘togetherness’, meaning the quality time he was able to spend with his family at home, but this value was constantly dishonoured. John felt paralysed and powerless to change his life situation, holding on to a stressful belief that long hours were necessary to provide financially for his family, so time together would always have to be sacrificed.

Only when John spent time reflecting on his life (considering questions like ‘what did he want to be remembered for in old age’?) and challenging his own beliefs, did John become more self aware and realise what was really important to him. In time, he decided to make a significant life change whereby he set up his own business from home. In this way, he was better able to honour his core value of ‘togetherness’, and at the same time honour his value of ‘providing for’.

What-ever you want to change in your life, first recognise your core values and make sure that the change you plan to make will honour those values.

SET GOALS

Set yourself a goal to change - that is specific, measurable, action orientated, realistic, and time phased.

Example

Laura set herself a goal to set up her own business as a reflexologist by the end of the year.

Contrary to what most people think, setting goals can decrease stress by motivating you to act. Our anxiety about change is usually related to inaction and this anxiety uses an enormous amount of our energy. Once you have a set goal in place, it releases this energy and allows you to put it to good use. Set a goal and let it motivate you to get started now.

CREATE MANAGEABLE STEPS

Make sure that your goal is ‘chunked’ down into mini goals that represent manageable steps.

Success in making small incremental steps will be a great motivator towards achieving the ultimate goal.

Breaking things down into realistic pieces will make the big picture look so much easier to achieve. The transition will not look so painful.

Example

Laura broke down her goal of setting up her own reflexology business into 4 manageable pieces: • By the end of the month, to have developed a mission statement and vision for her new venture • In 3 months time, to have performed preliminary market research and identified the size, nature and profile of her target market, together with details of key competitors. • In 6 months time, to have developed a full business plan for her new venture. • In 9 months time, to have developed an action plan on how to develop the venture, in line with the business plan (revising her initial thoughts and plans as and when appropriate).

WORK OUT WHAT HAS BEEN HOLDING YOU BACK SO FAR

We all have ‘gremlins’, being those ‘voices’ that go around in our heads, that are so good at telling ourselves that we cannot do something. These voices often express deep-set negative limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves. They can affect our attitude to try new things and hold us back from making successful changes in our lives. Challenge your ‘gremlins’ on the basis of logic, reality and helpfulness – to ‘push back’ irrational boundaries and consider things in a more objective way. • Logic - what factual evidence is there, to support how logically your gremlins arguments ‘hold true’? • Reality - compare your subjective view-point to the objective reality - to challenge / re-evaluate the accuracy of your gremlins arguments, and paint a more ‘balanced’ picture. • Helpfulness - consider how helpful it is, to listen to the negative gremlin voices. By spelling out the consequences, you are encouraged to let the negative thoughts and beliefs disappear.

By challenging our beliefs, we open ourselves up to new approaches and solutions in our lives.

DEVELOP A POSITIVE OPEN MIND

Positive Visualisation

Think only of the positive impacts that will result from the change. Imagine how it will look, sound, feel, smell (even) to be in your new situation after putting the changes into place. Hold on to the picture that this creates. The idea here is that the positive visualization helps motivate you towards making the change.

Affirmations

Create some positive affirmations that tell yourself how capable and competent you are about achieving this change. Even if you don’t believe them (yet!) – pretend that you do, and repeat the affirmations to yourself several times every day. You can do it!

The idea here is that you start to think more positively about yourself. Positive images are taken and used sub-consciously in your mind to develop more positive beliefs. The affirmations ‘remind’ you how capable you are of achieving what you want to achieve through change.

Your Best Bits

Boost your confidence and self-esteem further by writing down 20 good things about yourself (e.g. skills, achievements, positive experiences). Reflect and add to this list on a regular basis, to start building more positive beliefs about who you are and your ability to achieve your change.

START TO LOOK AT THINGS FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES

So What is Failure Anyway?

Start off by considering that there is no such thing as ‘failure’, only feedback. Look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Consider that a good way to learn is through making mistakes. Think of this as a learning experience. Then use what you learned to do things differently so you get different results next time. Learn from the experience or ignore it.

What would your Role Model do?

Think of someone you really admire in life – a role model. What would they do in your situation to achieve change? What is holding you back from doing the same as they would?

Do Something Scary

Fear of failure can immobilise you, so to overcome inertia, you must take action. Doing something scary gives you power, and confidence that you can change your circumstances or situation. As self-help author Susan Jeffers says, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." How would you feel about sky diving, bungee jumping, or white-water rafting? Doing something scary can generate confidence and self-belief that you can achieve change.

Be Realistic about the Worst Case

OK, go on; imagine the worst-case scenario that can result from the change you would like to make. But now try to find various solutions to it. If you find more than one reasonable solution, you are safe - the change can't be stronger than you are! Think how much you will learn, grow and move on!

BRAINSTORM YOUR OPTIONS

There is an old saying, "if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got." If you’re not getting the results you want, then you must do something different.

Using all your positive thinking and new perspectives, think of a number of different ways that you could achieve your goal.

Brainstorm some different approaches. Be creative. Use mind maps. Don’t rule anything out, no matter how ridiculous the idea may initially sound. Often our crazy options can trigger thoughts of something different, something that challenges our status quo, something that turns out to be realistic, practical, different, fresh and new.

CHOOSE YOUR WAY FORWARD

Select one option, and make sure that it honors your core values, as previously discussed. Commit to action: • What are you going to do? • When are you going to do it? • What could get in the way? • What are you going to do, to stop it getting in the way?

What-ever the outcome, learn from the experience and move forwards.

DESIGN SOME SUPPORTIVE ACCOUNTABILITY

Left to our own devices many of us will push back a deadline, especially when it relates to changes that cause initial discomfort. Just look at how many people procrastinate about getting their taxes done.

By asking someone to hold you accountable in a supportive way, you put positive pressure on yourself to make achievement of your goal a priority. Make sure to choose someone who has your best interest at heart and ask him or her to gently check in with you to be sure that you're on track. This could be a friend, a colleague, or a partner that is keen to help. Make plans to celebrate together once you reach the finish line, so that you turn any potential pain into pleasure!

So, at the end of the day, some of these ideas may be helpful to you. Others may not apply to you. But wherever you are and whatever you think – take ownership and responsibility for your life.

GET STARTED, STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND GO FOR IT!

SARAH HEDGECOCK

Having qualified as a Chartered Accountant, and achieving an MBA at Lancaster University, Sarah worked for more than 10 years in business finance in the UK private sector.

However, in search of greater self-fulfilment, she chose to resign from her job at the end of 2001, and go to Mozambique with VSO (Voluntary Service Overseas) to work as a Business / Financial Advisor for 2 years. This was a life changing experience, which helped Sarah work out what was important to her and what she really wanted to do with her working life.

On return to the UK, she changed career direction, and qualified as a Life Coach, attaining a Diploma (with distinction) from Coaching & Mentoring International, now part of the Coaching Academy.

Sarah has gained considerable experience coaching and counselling on a voluntary basis for the Samaritans and more recently for ChildLine. She is expanding on this further now, as her coaching practice, Blue Phoenix Coaching, develops and progresses.

She is a warm and caring person who values openness, honesty, freedom and equality. Over the years, she has discovered the importance of learning to listen to ourselves, learning to love ourselves and learning to welcome change.

If you are interested in further information about coaching with Blue Phoenix, then please contact sarah@bluephoenixcoaching.co.uk or see the web-site at www.bluephoenixcoaching.co.uk